First of all, I’m on the Arsenio Hall show! Second of all, I’m backstage with R. Kelly! Thee R Kelly, KEEP IT ON THE DOWN LOW R. KELLY. I’m about to tell some jokes, and you never know how you’re gonna be received. I feel so good right now, and this crowd is hot. And my gear! I’m feeling so fresh. I feel sexy, and It’s not because I hear R. Kelly singing in the other room. I wanna give a big thanks to Arsenio Hall, All my fans, my manager, my agency, my crew of assistants, and the support of my family, that includes everyone I’m related to.
Being a big star and all, sometimes I get tired of flying first class to my comedy shows, sipping on expensive drank, and popping my head back catching peanuts. And what about the chauffeur? Who got time to be looking for some dude holding a sign that says Winfield. Shoot last time I got in Winifred’s Escalade. Point is, sometimes you get exhausted being a big time star, and just wanna take the bus. The dangerous bus. THE GREYHOUND. See the second guy asleep in the background.
I like when I see a couple standing outside their car kissing and feeling each other up. That means that they really like each other. Everyone doesn’t take the time to get it in like that. That’s what I want to do. I want to want to stand outside my car and get intimate. After you been in a relationship for a while, you forget about stuff like that. You just plan and schedule everything. I want her to wait in the greenroom of the comedy club like the the decoy on Maury Povich and try to trick me and I fall for it.
I hope my sex tape with the senior citizen never surfaces. I don’t want that type of fame, even though I don’t regret it. My homie was like, “Why not? Fame is fame.” No it’s not. That would haunt me for my entire career. I would always be the guy that wore out Betty Mae Henson. There’s some sick people in our world and I don’t want any part of the pornography industry. You can like or love my jokes, but no one needs to know about my spectacular private moves. I didn’t even know they had cameras in the Home. I was just doing a routine drop off to one of the elder gentleman that says he has cataracts and back pain. I was like, “Sir, you don’t have to claim both. You still get it.” Then outta no where from around a corner her comes Betty with jokes and fresh baked goods, two of my favorite things.