New Town

Every city I go to, people keep trying to warn me that I better watch out b/c its “hella ghetto” there. I sometimes wonder what they mean, but I don’t bother to ask. I grew up in Baltimore, MD. I’m not sure there are places that can top that Bmore life. I don’t care. I’m not there to hit up all the house parties and sell rocks, I’m there to tell jokes so more people can be part of the legend. I still have about 2 legs left to add on my throne, but I’m almost done. I learned my lesson in Fort Worth not to walk the streets… Ever! I learned from DMX that everyone’s the man in his own hood. Comedy. So easy.

WOMEN, WOMEN

What do you really want? You seem so strong and so focused, then you seem so tender and fragile. Can we have four consecutive days without irritation. Can you keep in mind that when you’re irritated, a lot of times it has nothing to do with us. I know there’s times when it does have to do with us, but can we address it in a regular calm tone of voice. When you yell, it pisses me off and makes me want to yell. I’m not at my best when I yell. It doesn’t fit my personality to handle a matter with rage. Can we kiss more frequently during the day? I don’t like to wait. When I ask for personal requests, you have to know that I’m serious and I like you to do it on your own. Its not the same when I have to remind you. What I ask may seem simple? It is, I’m just a visual person. Can You listen? I constantly visualize and believe you’re the most beautiful human on earth, so give me an image. I don’t care to open a magazine. We can talk again later. I’d like that.

FRANCE

I wanna go to France so I can hang with some Paris homies and sip on some of that nice red. I’m gonna buy my wife a bunch of those spring dresses. I don’t have many interests besides comedy and youth sports. France seems like a spot I can go and lay low and get away from the celebrity.