Aunt Bern’s Ceiling Fan

I’m stayed with Aunt Bernadette and she has an old house, but that’s no excuse for a ceiling fan, that when turned on, looks like it might fall out of the wall and cut your head off. I love Aunty but when you have to make life decisions to cool down or be decapitated, we need some home repair. I burnt up the whole night b/c there’s no proper ventilation, but at least I have my head.

The Big Audition

So I’m In Santa Monica auditioning for this new George Lopez pilot, for TV Land. I studied, I’m in the room, and I murder the audition. I feel great, and I’m proud, because normally auditions suck ass. I don’t think I could feel any better. Then I walk outside of the audition room, and Ashy Larry is next. AWW DAMN, NOT ASHY LARRY!! Even though I killed it, I lost all my confidence in a matter of seconds. Next time I leave an audition, I’ll just slip out the window instead of go through the lobby, that or not give a damn which is hard for me to do. I hate auditions!

FUNNY BONE HARTFORD, CT More dates on bio page


Embarrassing Stuff You Do As A Kid

In 5th grade I played little league baseball. On tv, I saw this guy Ozzie Smith on the Saint Louis Cardinals do a cartwheel when he went on the field, so I did it in my game, and looked so stupid. I didn’t immediately think that. It was years later when I was like, “Why did I do that?” Why didn’t I keep responsible people around me to keep me from those types of decisions? Why didn’t I ask my dad first? I remember this kid saying, “Did you just do a cartwheel?” I put my head down.     “Uh… Yeah.”


One sign that your kid is a hater. Wife and I are sitting at the table, each on our laptops, minding our own business. Then he comes to my screen and says, “Dad, whose that girl.” Me: What girl? “The one that was on your screen before you clicked it off.” ‪#‎TIMETOINSTITUTEASSBEATING‬

Celebrity Mishap

I’m at the Delta counter about to pay for my luggage. I have the card ready to pay and everything. Outta no where, the dude working is like When is your next show? I break him off with the details. ‪#‎TheyKnowMeUpinHere‬ Then he tells me where my gate is and I roll up outta there, and I never paid for my luggage. I think I’m getting hooked up on celebrity status. Come to find out, I made it to SILVER so my bags are free anyways. ‪#‎CALMDOWNmike‬