Ish is crazy sometimes. One night I had this dude host one of my shows. Anyone whose ever been to one of my shows knows that I’ll have a t-shirt planted on stage prior to my walkup so I can have my hands free to hold a latte or a sharpie, you know, star shit. At the end of the show, I showed the audience the shirt and left it on stage and walked off like a champ. I found out later, so did he. (FastForward 20 min in the lobby) I see him and I’m like, “Oh yeah, what happened to that shirt?” First he stared, then he looked behind himself like the answer was back there, and then he gave me that laugh, you know the one… the one that means, “Damn, he remembered.” This dude dug in his pocket and pulled out $30. I was like, “You Sold My Shirt?!?!?” Not only was he a thief, but a dishonest bastard. I was only selling them for $20.

Wait… I can get $30 for them?

The homie used to mess with this ghetto ass stripper he met at Showgirls on Auburn. She was a blonde white chick w/ a Mexican accent. She was still dancing as an Amateur so she didn’t have a stage name yet. One night I was sitting on his stairs and he wasn’t answering his phone, and she didn’t have the apartment gate code, so she climbed the wall (8 ft) to get in his apartments. I was like, TF!” She had on her stripper clothes and a beige trench coat like a stripper Inspector Gadget about to solve a sex crime. Then she jumped and nailed the landing like she had done this before. I just remembered that for some reason.

Everyone thinks they have the most difficult life, you wake up believing you have the most problems. You wanna hear about problems… well in 1993 Michael Jordan retired temporarily and poor Pete Myers had to live in his shadows. Every game, fans watched him and said, “You are not Michael Jordan.” Pete couldn’t miss a shot without someone yelling, “Pass the fuc%$*g ball Pete!” You know how bad it was? Nobody bought his jersey, companies never offered to make his shoes, spelled his damn name wrong on his own trading cards. They say he was known for inventing the saying, “My bad.” Pete taught me that sometimes doing your best is not enough. It’s ok to quit if no one notices you. #MEWHistory