I’m sitting in the Norfolk International airport with a semi sore throat waiting for my first plane to depart to Houston Bush and then to Sacramento. I should probably walk back 100 feet to Starbucks to get some hot tea but I don’t feel like it right now. My body feels weak and where I’m sitting, I’m forced to listen to this black woman who has many stories, and is extremely loud. Everyone can hear her. She sounds like she is speaking through a microphone. I could put on my earphones and study a recorded show, but again, I’m not feeling well and I don’t want to move my body. Fortunately, I get to sit here and learn more about this black woman through her loud stories. She raised her neice and put her through college at Hampton and her Grandma is dying so they have to clear out the house so they can sell it. Blah.
I’m ready to fall asleep. Its 5am on the button and if I fall asleep now, I may miss the flight. Now the white woman next to the black woman is sharing her stories at a much lower tone, and I can’t help but notice how loud the black woman’s responses are. Enough of this. I am nearing my first ever Letterman appearance. I’m two days away. I’ve been this close before and its hard to get excited not knowing if it will be pulled away again. I am ready. I want to kill it so I can move on with my life. I’m repeatedly doing the same set over and over again for the past 3 months. I can say it backwards. This is the opportunity of a lifetime and I’m not taking it for granted. I try to make sense of why I was being bumped from the show previous times, but right now, I’m content with the thought that everything doesn’t have to add up. My show last night in Norfolk Virginia Wesleyan College was amazing and I was able to sleep a total of 42 min before having to hop in the rental and drive the four miles to get here. I think I want a road manager to hang out with so I don’t allow myself to drift into such evils. You know. I think the show was so great b/c I’m aware of the power I possess. Its self discovery. I’ve proven that I can make people laugh and I know that I am funny. That is a destination that happens during a journey. I don’t need jokes. I am me. That can’t be taken away. I’m in love with writing jokes. I also enjoy talking with people afterwards, especially the ones who wanna get to know me better. I’m always interested in what they think they know about me after listening for an hour and 10 mins ish. How good of a storyteller am I? I can imagine that I have room to grow. Plenty. All my favorite comedians have been doing it for at least 17 years. Many don’t understand the time and work that must be put in to achieve success. An artform like making people laugh doesn’t seem like it would take so much time, but it is very time consuming.
Well, I’m getting up now to get that hot tea and it just hit me that I may have to sit next to that loud woman on the plane. She’s a beautiful person, she just has no concept of sound control. She didn’t have a caucasion mother to explain Inside Voice. There has to be material there.
Who cares about air quality? My sinuses are messed up anyway. I don’t mind this small mysterious room with curtains hanging off the wall and a microwave sitting half ass on the minifridge. That’s safe. At least my room telephone works tonight. I’m not picky. I am wondering why housekeeping chose to leave this handprint on the wall, maybe this is some sort of local tradition that I haven’t quite caught onto yet. At least their isn’t a dead guy in the closet. You know why, because this room is so small, I don’t have a closet. The bed is soft, but the room is so small when I get off of the bed, I’m touching the wall. That’s an odd location for a lightswitch. I hope you’re not short or you’re gonna have to throw an old shoe at it to turn it on. This is supposed to be a wall tv but its not a flatscreen and it looks heavy. If something snaps, its gonna land on the guide to Its Nothing To Do In Iowa. I have enjoyed my stay. I have time to reflect on all the things that I have to be thankful for. I love crappy towns. Yes, I use the word “crap.” Comedy brings such beautiful new experiences.
In a mansion My buddy owns it. You look around in amazement and think you can achieve THIS from telling jokes, and then the bigger picture is you can achieve anything if you follow your dreams. My goals started at different levels. First I wanted to work the local club, then I wanted to be the middle act, then I wanted to work out of town, and so on. People quit and blame life on why successes are not met. Its not life or circumstances, its the individual who make excuses. My mom instilled in me early on that anything is possible, and I rode with it. I wanted to do everything as a child. I was going to be a news castor, I was gonna start in the NBA for the Bulls, cure AIDS and a bunch of other thoughts that I gave up on. I don’t know if its in my internal drive, but accomplishing things seem easy if you stick with it.
Dear Facebook, I hate to point the finger, but b/c of you I haven’t talked to my family in weeks. Just so I would be able to communicate with my family, I considered creating profiles for them, but that wouldn’t work b/c we only have one computer. All day I’m reading people’s dumb updates and advice on life and somehow believing that you are responsible for my promotions. I’m losing myself. When are you gonna move out or die like Myspace? That death happened over night. No one saw it coming. I’ll try to be sympathetic, but it is kind of funny that you murdered Myspace and everyone here (on facebook) is so comfortable with you. You killed Myspace and now killing families and relationships. You can’t take off on Sundays or holidays? I don’t trust you. I think you have motives. I haven’t trusted you since I did that ad with you and no one saw it. I’m telling you now that I’m taking some time off from you. You’re really nice, I just need some space. Remember this is not Goodbye forever, just until the next time. How’s you mom?
Just finished doing my third set in 3 different locations tonight. That is the essence of the grind, knowing that hard work is required for success, and loving the work. The love part is a bonus. I live a different type of comedian life, at least from many other comedians that I hang with. My time is limited b/c I have to balance it with family. Not an easy task. Family’s first. They have to be covered on all angles. Comedy requires A LOT of time and is the means to support the family financially. Its all a machine. To me its amazing that I’ve created this all from bottom to top. You know, I live a no holds barred comedy regime. I will perform anywhere just to be on stage. If I turn something down, its most likely b/c of a promoter involved that didn’t make the circumstances enjoyable. OR, now that I’m famous, I guess time is an issue too.
I’m sitting in the car right now while she’s in the Whole Food grocery store. I’ve been somewhat reflecting lately. I don’t think anyone does it alone. I mean people don’t succeed without aid. There are many people who I have to thank for just how far that I have already came. I realized that I’ve always done my own thing and no matter how different they said I was, I just stuck to it. I hate when someone has to go way out of their way to say that are responsible for all of your successes. That’s a selfish belief. Giving is supposed to be cheerful. Mr. Myaigi didn’t hassle Daniel Son for even a payment. I never ask for anything in return for what I’ve given to anyone. I was taught that you don’t give to receive, so stop waiting for your gift basket. You know how many gift baskets I would have to give out, that could take years. I do appreciate and am thankful. Pay it forward. Believe that. Man, I’ve been sitting in this car for a long time and its hot. She’s probably never coming out. Women can be so inconsiderate when it comes to shopping for anything, even groceries, even eggs. And she always wants to be in there talking to the employess like they’re her real friends. I’m her only real friend and she has me in the car burning up. She didn’t even leave the keys, like I’m gonna pull off and strand her. Oh yeah, I don’t have keys.
Today in was in Nebraska doing a competition for the Great American Comedy Festival. It honors the hometown of Johnny Carson. I’m competing with many comedians who have been on the David Letterman show multiple times, comedians who I have looked at and said, “I have a lot of work to do.” I was performing on the second night and one observation I noticed of the comics performing on the first night was that they were ALL dressed up, nice, suits and ties. They looked really respectful. I actually didn’t bring clothing to perform in. I have the old threads that I came in and a couple of old t shirts just for casual kicking it, but nothing really to perform in. So I start thinking, “I need to step up my fashion game.” This thought came to me as we were passing the Salvation Army. Why not? is one of the theories that I live by. While inside it seemed that most of the clothing had a funny smell, but they had some deals!! I think I spent about $14 and I left with about five items, two of which were sportscoats. I was prepared to look like a light purple comedy pimp, and excited too. One the running jokes for the evening was that I was being excelled by the spirit of the dead guy’s coat. We don’t know if this guy died, but it was funnier that way. I did advance to the finals, but I guess there’s no way to really tell if the sportcoat donator was dead or if his powers were being transmitted into successful sets for me. Thanks for coming. Leave a message.
1.SexyNEducated i saw him @ punchline sacramento last night and if he was the main event Our party would of walked out. 2. So he came to my school and I thought “he looks like one of us….well one of me at least.” The white people tried to stifle their laughs when he brought out the race card. I was laughing so hard my chest hurt. -Breanna 3. “Hey Mike, great show tonight. I was in Vegas last week and I saw Carrot Top. Your show blew his away.” -Ryan from Oshkosh University 4.I saw him perform in Sac. He had me and my gf in tears when he pointed out how different a face can look just by tilting your head up and down. I was telling my lady the same thing a week ago but his delivery on stage was priceless. Happy to creepy. -Tesh 5. I was visiting a friend in sacramento and we went to the punchline when you were there last month and i laughed until I cried, you were hilarious! I went to rooster t feathers yesterday excited that you were going to be there and you weren’t there! I was really bummed about it -Sara
I went snowboarding once, and that was my last time and final time going snowboarding.
Well, I’m glad that you made it here.You can now access my website in so many different ways. If you made it here by pickleheadbitch, that to me, has to be the funniest avenue to travel. So many people don’t believe that is really it. Some things are really amazing. Its amazing to me that people wear t-shirts with my silly face on them. When I grew up struggling on the mean streets, dodging bullets in Baltimore, I never could have imagined some of interesting lifestyles that I would encounter, some of the places that I would travel. I just keep going and something new is in front of me. Thats all that we can do, is continue moving. Ups and downs will come our way, but you can’t prepare for the good and bad. Sometimes, it just is. Hope your day today is amazing. Guess what, something great is gonna happen to you really soon. Something you were not even ready for, then you’re gonna recall back to this message, and think…. Pickle Head Bitch!!!!