I’m stayed with Aunt Bernadette and she has an old house, but that’s no excuse for a ceiling fan, that when turned on, looks like it might fall out of the wall and cut your head off. I love Aunty but when you have to make life decisions to cool down or be decapitated, we […]
Continue readingSo I’m In Santa Monica auditioning for this new George Lopez pilot, for TV Land. I studied, I’m in the room, and I murder the audition. I feel great, and I’m proud, because normally auditions suck ass. I don’t think I could feel any better. Then I walk outside of the audition room, and Ashy […]
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Continue readingIn 5th grade I played little league baseball. On tv, I saw this guy Ozzie Smith on the Saint Louis Cardinals do a cartwheel when he went on the field, so I did it in my game, and looked so stupid. I didn’t immediately think that. It was years later when I was like, “Why […]
Continue readingOne sign that your kid is a hater. Wife and I are sitting at the table, each on our laptops, minding our own business. Then he comes to my screen and says, “Dad, whose that girl.” Me: What girl? “The one that was on your screen before you clicked it off.” #TIMETOINSTITUTEASSBEATING
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Continue readingNEW DATE MAY 20TH
Continue readingI’m at the Delta counter about to pay for my luggage. I have the card ready to pay and everything. Outta no where, the dude working is like When is your next show? I break him off with the details. #TheyKnowMeUpinHere Then he tells me where my gate is and I roll up outta there, and I […]
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