Don’t Get Me Started

So me and my lady are walking out of the store. She’s checking the receipt like women do, when this old playa approaches from behind. I’d say around 60 years old and from Africa. He’s like is this your sister? I say Naw, that’s my wife. And then he’s like, Well, you have a nice […]

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WHEN NOBODY CAME TO MY SHOW

As funny as you are, you’re still like, “I hope there’s a line at this show.” When no one is there, it’s not fun. I don’t care what people say. Some people say, “I don’t care if it’s 1 or 1000.” I’ll be honest, I perform differently if there’s 4 people vs. 900 in the […]

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Miss My Girls Softball Team

I use to play girl’s softball until one day this aggressive left hander hit me with the pitch and I felt like she did it on purpose. That was the second inside pitch in a row, and remember she’s left handed and I bat right, so it was forced, so I rushed the mound and […]

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Wyoming and Montana

I just left Wyoming and Montana, and actually had fun. It’s cool sometimes being the only black person in a state. The driving part wasn’t cool. I was driving up a snowy hill like I was Shelia on Why Did I Get Married 1. I never want to have that experience again. Two lane highway […]

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GREYHOUND STATION

Being a big star and all, sometimes I get tired of flying first class to my comedy shows, sipping on expensive drank, and popping my head back catching peanuts. And what about the chauffeur? Who got time to be looking for some dude holding a sign that says Winfield. Shoot last time I got in […]

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ARSENIO HALL SHOW

First of all, I’m on the Arsenio Hall show! Second of all, I’m backstage with R. Kelly! Thee R Kelly, KEEP IT ON THE DOWN LOW R. KELLY. I’m about to tell some jokes, and you never know how you’re gonna be received. I feel so good right now, and this crowd is hot. And […]

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The Spark

I like when I see a couple standing outside their car kissing and feeling each other up. That means that they really like each other. Everyone doesn’t take the time to get it in like that. That’s what I want to do. I want to want to stand outside my car and get intimate. After […]

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Sex Tape

I hope my sex tape with the senior citizen never surfaces. I don’t want that type of fame, even though I don’t regret it. My homie was like, “Why not? Fame is fame.” No it’s not. That would haunt me for my entire career. I would always be the guy that wore out Betty Mae […]

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