FLIGHT DELAY ON THE WAY TO GRAND RAPIDS

How can your flight be three hours late? Did the pilot have some sex he couldn’t pass on and he called United to tell them something came up, but he’ll be on his way in a few. Is he Denzel Washington? For my inconvenience, they gave me a hotel and a food voucher, but no one cares that you want to be vegan. They always have a beefy-ass chicken-ass menu selection. I’m sitting here at the Denver airport at some pub. I don’t hang out in pubs, but tonight I’m chillin, eating a bean burger and sippin on some Sweaty Betty Blonde. They never have drinks called LaKisha. And where is the chef from? Why does he have to wear this full armored chef outfit if all he’s preparing is sandwiches. What is it Halloween? What’s next, is my taxi driver gonna be dressed in a limo outfit? Man, I gotta go. I have a comedy competition this weekend. Big fun right? I have to be funnier than 9 other guys so I can win $10,000. What am I really trying to achieve this weekend. I don’t know. I’m just gonna have as much fun as I possibly can and I’m buying some damn shoes. I’m Mike E. Winfield.